It's been a while...

So life has been busy, and altogether quite dramatic. I'm sick of the drama... no joke sick of it!

My jaw- Not really drama, but it has been a really draining experience. I was hit a few weeks ago with a softball in my mouth. It wasn't a pleasant experience. Anyways, my jaw is fractured, and they have my front 4 teeth splinted together. My front tooth broke pretty much in half, so that got fixed. Kind of there was an emergency root canal, and the dentist made a fake tooth. But my other front tooth (the one that didn't break) is dying. It's turning a really nasty color. It's really obnoxious. But, I'm glad it wasn't a bigger softball injury. There are far worse things that could've happened.

Going off of the tooth story-Softball is the most dramatic experience of mylife. I've never been so stressed out. But, it's taught me a lot. To not worry about what other people expect. Do my part. Give my 100%. Because I know if I held that back from the girls on my team I would feel horrible. If I didn't do my part I would regret it, but I'm only part of the team. And I know there are girls there that give there all, and I'm close with them. Because we have the same personality traits. They play hurt, they play sick, they play when they don't want to. Because they care about the team. So that's my goal for the season. To leave everything there on the field. And only care about my part, and not hold my breath waiting for the rest of the girls to decide they should be a varsity player.

And now what most girls deal with boys... ugh I'm sure I could write a novel on this subject alone. Recently I've talked with this kid, he is a bad choice, and I know it. That's what gets me, I know he's a bad choice. I've told my friends he's a bad choice, but do I listen to myself... NO. Ya, well tonight I did, and Sara was there to witness. I'm not just gonna be the girl he goes to when he needs something. That's lame, and a waste of time. I'm not going to settle for less that what I deserve, because that never works out. But all of this has come to the next section...

That one Boy- the first guy that I was ever really open and honest with. The one that made me feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Everytime I start to talk with a guy, he always pops up. It drives me insane! I want to move on so badly, but so much of me was put into our friendship, that I don't know if I can. He will always have a piece of my heart, regardless of if he wants it or not. There will always be songs that remind me of him. And no matter how much I want to say they don't they do. Everytime I hear them it takes me back to those memories. And yes, I have to admit, I purposely put those songs on cd's because I want to remember. I want to go back, but I can't and I need to finally grasp that. I need to realize that we will never talk again other than a hello every 6 months... No matter how much it hurts. I need to let go.

Mmkay I think that's all for now.. really a lot has been going through my head.