My BFF and Sister

This is to my dear Stacey Ann.

First off, I just want to say thank you so much for being the most amazing friend I have ever had. You've been there for me through everything, and you haven't killed me yet. You have been the person that'll tell me when I'm doing something wrong, and you've made sure I've kept on a straight path with God, and that's more than anything I could've wanted from a friend. You have actually been more than a friend. You're the older sister that I never had, and you're entire family means so much to me.



Its hard for me to sit here writting this, and think that goodbye is only a few weeks away. It's hard to think that the end of high school is almost here, and you're leaving. But I'm so excited that you're doing what God wants you to. It's so awesome to see you're life going to different places, and how you're totally letting God take control. It inspires me, and encourages me beyond belief to know that I have been so blessed to have you as my friend. And I love you so much girl, and I'm only a call away, But I have a feeling that I'll be calling you way more than you'll be calling me.



SO I love you lots, and you've been such an amazing friend. Love you girlie!

It's been a while...

So life has been busy, and altogether quite dramatic. I'm sick of the drama... no joke sick of it!

My jaw- Not really drama, but it has been a really draining experience. I was hit a few weeks ago with a softball in my mouth. It wasn't a pleasant experience. Anyways, my jaw is fractured, and they have my front 4 teeth splinted together. My front tooth broke pretty much in half, so that got fixed. Kind of there was an emergency root canal, and the dentist made a fake tooth. But my other front tooth (the one that didn't break) is dying. It's turning a really nasty color. It's really obnoxious. But, I'm glad it wasn't a bigger softball injury. There are far worse things that could've happened.

Going off of the tooth story-Softball is the most dramatic experience of mylife. I've never been so stressed out. But, it's taught me a lot. To not worry about what other people expect. Do my part. Give my 100%. Because I know if I held that back from the girls on my team I would feel horrible. If I didn't do my part I would regret it, but I'm only part of the team. And I know there are girls there that give there all, and I'm close with them. Because we have the same personality traits. They play hurt, they play sick, they play when they don't want to. Because they care about the team. So that's my goal for the season. To leave everything there on the field. And only care about my part, and not hold my breath waiting for the rest of the girls to decide they should be a varsity player.

And now what most girls deal with boys... ugh I'm sure I could write a novel on this subject alone. Recently I've talked with this kid, he is a bad choice, and I know it. That's what gets me, I know he's a bad choice. I've told my friends he's a bad choice, but do I listen to myself... NO. Ya, well tonight I did, and Sara was there to witness. I'm not just gonna be the girl he goes to when he needs something. That's lame, and a waste of time. I'm not going to settle for less that what I deserve, because that never works out. But all of this has come to the next section...

That one Boy- the first guy that I was ever really open and honest with. The one that made me feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Everytime I start to talk with a guy, he always pops up. It drives me insane! I want to move on so badly, but so much of me was put into our friendship, that I don't know if I can. He will always have a piece of my heart, regardless of if he wants it or not. There will always be songs that remind me of him. And no matter how much I want to say they don't they do. Everytime I hear them it takes me back to those memories. And yes, I have to admit, I purposely put those songs on cd's because I want to remember. I want to go back, but I can't and I need to finally grasp that. I need to realize that we will never talk again other than a hello every 6 months... No matter how much it hurts. I need to let go.

Mmkay I think that's all for now.. really a lot has been going through my head.

Because there's never a dull moment right?

So I haven't written in a while, but now I have a lot to say...

Today was one of the most fun and interesting days of my life. We did a softball garage sale, and it was amazing we made 800 total. Which is amazing, and a total blessing from God. All the fun really started last night when Dani, Sara, Chels, and I decided to bake cookies and cupcakes. Somehow I managed to burn every other dozen, and it was a mess. We played rock band for a while, and we rock! Then it was decided that we would watch a movie. Dani and Sara picked Chill a scary movie... I wasn't so excited.. I'd never seen a horror film all the way through. Which I still never have, because Chill was the worst horror film ever! It was so lame, and the acting ... hahahahaha. Today started at 5:30 this morning, and if you know me you know I don't do early. But I managed to wake up (no clue how). So the rest of the girls got to the house at around 6:30. Dani bought glitter tattoos the day before, and Taryn, Dani, Sara, and I put them on. We also found stickers that said "make offer" on them, and put them on our foreheads. It was the best garage sale ever! We got super tired because we were working on like 3-4 hours of sleep. So we all fell asleep.. I fell asleep on Babushka, so half of my face is sunburnt.. Its pretty interesting. Also throughout the course of the day we decided to go check in on the JV girls, we rolled up blasting rap music, and it was so much fun! Love the JV girls they rock. After I got home I was exhausted, and I needed to get the tattoo off my neck. Slight issue, glitter tattoos are gooey, and hard to get off. I had no clue how to go about removing it, so I sat there and peeled it off. One of the most painful experiences of my life! Nevertheless, I got the tattoo off.

End of the day, all in all it was so much fun, did nothing all that important. And now I am going to bed. I'm sure once all my brain cells are functioning I'll be ready to write more of the shenanigans and events of my day! NIGHT!

-Katie

Because English is boring right now

So in these past few weeks I've gone through an emmotional rollercoaster. I hit pretty low (no quite rock bottom) and then last night hit emmotional bliss. I've let the smallest things and questions get to me, and I let them take over all my thoughts. I've let the world just spin around me while I was stuck on a few things. I let people get the best of me, and that isn't something that normally happens.

Its times for a new start, a new beginning. This time, I'm not going to let things get to me. And this time no matter how I hate it, I'm going to put myself out there. Maybe not to just having my heart broken, but my life. I'm going to let people ask the questions I was afraid to answer. Why? Because all of the things that I've gone through have shaped the way I am today. I don't regret any of what happened because it was exactly what I wanted in that moment. God used every negative thing in my life as a way to get me back on track. And I've thankful for that.

So here's to a new beginning, to letting people know what they want to know. To being vulnerable. To being willing to let things go, and to just trust other people. Even though I've been used and taken advantage of, even though I've had my heart torn out, and ripped to shreds in front of me I'm going to trust. And I'm not going to question everything. I'm going to let myself be asked the hard questions, and I'm going to answer them honestly. Because everyone deserves honesty.

So this is my new plan.. Help keep me accountable to it. Ask me questions. I'll answer them, and I'll give you the truth...

Mmkay! Thanks!

Broken down..

Well let's start off with the simple phrase... I should've known. In those three words my entire dating/ liking life can be described in completion. I should've known better. I should've know he wouldn't like me like that. All in all I should've known. Which brings me to today.

So today... I was talking with the guy I like. We talked a lot. I didn't think it was a big deal, because he talked back. He knew I was working on english, and really needed to focus. But he just had to ask... so be honest, do you have a thing for me. Like that wouldn't kill any concentration that I had. This led to about an hour long conversation, about that subject and anything that would classify as relavant to this subject. So long conversation short, no english got done, and I got no clear answers out of him.

So I don't think he likes me, but I can't be sure. He only implied it... but then again he was all worried near the end. No, I won't do anything stupid because of a guy. They aren't worth it. And even though (if you're a guy) you might want to help. The best help you could give would be going away, letting me think. Letting me get my mind settled, and letting me grasp the words that need to be said. Did this happen nope.. All I could give were short sentences, and nothing all that important. I didn't even tell him that I liked him. I said I used to.. which is the biggest lie ever, and most guys would've gotten that. But anyways... I still like him. He was way sweet being worried, but honestly I just needed time alone. Time to gather all my emmotions, and put them in check. Time to let the old wounds that got reopened close up, time to stiffle all the feelings that were coming to the surface. So tonight... after a whole day of thinking, and a softball practice to help me gather how I feel. He's going to get the answers, and I'm going to get honesty. He isn't going to skirt questions, and I'm going to be blatantly honest.

So I've realized. I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytal. I'm not the one he'll sweep off her feet and lead up the stair well. Which is fine. I don't want a prince. I want a guy with imperfections, cause then my imperfections are okay. I don't want to be something I'm not. I want to be me, Katie. And I will be. I was with him, but now he's gonna see the fighter side in me.

So that's all for now... laters!

So what did I do, I found comfort in my Taylor Swift CD.

Bottled Up..

So I'm that girl that you can say anything to, and no matter how bad it hurts....she'll never shed a tear. I'm good at bottling things up, and keeping them there as my own problems. I hate being vulnerable, and I hate it when people know how to make me vulneable. But here I go. I need to let things out that I've kept inside. So here it goes...

Freshman year I met someone that was totally amazing. He knew the right things to say, and he was as innocent as innocent could be. He was my best friend. I had so many walls, and for him I let down my guard. I knew I shouldn't, but he seemed so harmless. Like he wouldn't care, he would accept all my flaws all of my past, and be totally okay. Not, he stopped talking with me. Which made me put up my walls yet again. I closed off to the world. No one was going to hurt me, because I wasn't going to let them in. No one would ever know. Then junior year rolled around, and the same boy was back in my life. Wanting me to help him with a girl, but also tearing down the walls. He said he would never stop talking to me, what a lie! He broke my heart. Left me there, broken, confused, and hurt. And I wouldn't say anything. I didn't try and defend myself. I blamed me... maybe if I wasn't this way or that way..... It tormented me for months, and months. Crying all the time waiting for him to come back...

But I've realized. I don't need him. I don't need a guy in my life that doesn't care for me because of who I am. He wasn't worth my tears, or my efforts. I sacrificed so much for him, that way his life wouldn't be inconveinenced... I look back and think STUPID Girl! How come you let your walls down. Why did you let him in? And I went to putting up my walls.

I still have my walls, because of him I don't have nearly quite as many, but There are still a lot. I'm sick of being hurt. Sick of being so trusting. I'm not perfect, and so many people expect so much. I'm not perfect, I'm broken, and lost. But God loves me and that's all that matters

SoOo..

Thinking back on life, I'll admit mine has been a slightly wild ride. All of it caused by me. Growing up I never was a very strong person, I never had a voice, and I was always a follower. I was perfectly content letting people walk all over me. I always did things to be cool. Like having the boyfriends that I had. I don't regret dating any of them. They all taught me something different, and they all will be some of the coolest and dorkiest guys ever. They will always be my friends, and I am always happy for them when they find an awesome girl; because they deserve it. But looking back it's amazing to see how much my life has changed. In middle school I was really well known, I was involved in the drama program, and as stated earlier, I had boyfriends. Now, I am known in church, but on the high school campus people only knew me if they had classes with me. I play on the softball team and I love it. Those girls mean the world to me, I love them so much! And seeing how all my mistakes have turned out, I wouldn't take any of them back. They changed me for the better. They strenghtened my relationship with Christ, and they made me place my trust back in him.

Even having my heart broken twice by the same person was a good thing. It made me be stronger, and it brought me closer to people that I never thought I would. It made me realize that I deserved better, and that I should stick to my list. Because God has a plan, and even if I'm supposed to be single it'll work out for God's glory. And I've reached the point where I'm fine with it. I'm okay with being alone. Not that I don't want to have a family, and haven't planned out a lot of my wedding. But whatever happens I'm cool with it. God is definitely stretching me with the end of high school approaching and decisions that I need to make. But its all up to God.

So this part is dedicated to Stacey- My best friend, and unbiological sister. I love you so much! You have no idea how sane you keep me. I have no clue what I'm going to do when you go away to college (because you're so getting in!). But I know that you'll always be a phone call away, and that you will be there to help me through this summer. Cause this summer is going to be a tough one. I love you and your family for taking care of me, I love being able to call your house "home". You all mean so much to me! And I'll always be here for you and your family. Know that when you're gone I'm still going to take up residence in your house because someone has to keep mom sane!

So this is my life, and there are many people that impact me. And I'm sure you'll get your own spot in a blog here soon. I love you all!!

-Katie

Me..

Hey everyone! Well this is my blog, this is where all the random thoughts throughout the day are going to end up. This is where I am going to put my feelings, my life, and me. Ao about me. My name is Katie. I love being outdoors, and I love learning new things even if it confuses me.... ie- Bernoulli's Principle. I love being with my friends, and they are the coolest people you'll ever meet. They take care of me, they say the things that I'm too chicken to say (thank you Sara), and they make sure that I keep my head clear. They bring me back to earth when my thoughts have been carried away, and many times they have been there when a boy comes and steals my heart. They listen to what I have to say, and they don't think I'm crazy. Haha.. So as you can tell I love my friends.

More about my life. I love my family they're the craziest people ever! I have dreams, and I'm pretty sure I've said I'm going to marry at least 40 people.. haha but that's me. I believe in love, and I believe that one day my prince charming will come. I've had my heart broken, and it made me a stronger person. I would never take back that pain and the tears and the nights of no sleep for anything else. It taught me to take care of me, and no to let people use me. I've learned that people never change, you only compromise who you are. I'm never going to be perfect, and that the guy I find is going to love each and every one of them. He's going to love my corny jokes, and the fact that I'm a ditz.

haha well that's me!

bleeped bloop bloop laterz!!

Kate