Bottled Up..

So I'm that girl that you can say anything to, and no matter how bad it hurts....she'll never shed a tear. I'm good at bottling things up, and keeping them there as my own problems. I hate being vulnerable, and I hate it when people know how to make me vulneable. But here I go. I need to let things out that I've kept inside. So here it goes...

Freshman year I met someone that was totally amazing. He knew the right things to say, and he was as innocent as innocent could be. He was my best friend. I had so many walls, and for him I let down my guard. I knew I shouldn't, but he seemed so harmless. Like he wouldn't care, he would accept all my flaws all of my past, and be totally okay. Not, he stopped talking with me. Which made me put up my walls yet again. I closed off to the world. No one was going to hurt me, because I wasn't going to let them in. No one would ever know. Then junior year rolled around, and the same boy was back in my life. Wanting me to help him with a girl, but also tearing down the walls. He said he would never stop talking to me, what a lie! He broke my heart. Left me there, broken, confused, and hurt. And I wouldn't say anything. I didn't try and defend myself. I blamed me... maybe if I wasn't this way or that way..... It tormented me for months, and months. Crying all the time waiting for him to come back...

But I've realized. I don't need him. I don't need a guy in my life that doesn't care for me because of who I am. He wasn't worth my tears, or my efforts. I sacrificed so much for him, that way his life wouldn't be inconveinenced... I look back and think STUPID Girl! How come you let your walls down. Why did you let him in? And I went to putting up my walls.

I still have my walls, because of him I don't have nearly quite as many, but There are still a lot. I'm sick of being hurt. Sick of being so trusting. I'm not perfect, and so many people expect so much. I'm not perfect, I'm broken, and lost. But God loves me and that's all that matters

SoOo..

Thinking back on life, I'll admit mine has been a slightly wild ride. All of it caused by me. Growing up I never was a very strong person, I never had a voice, and I was always a follower. I was perfectly content letting people walk all over me. I always did things to be cool. Like having the boyfriends that I had. I don't regret dating any of them. They all taught me something different, and they all will be some of the coolest and dorkiest guys ever. They will always be my friends, and I am always happy for them when they find an awesome girl; because they deserve it. But looking back it's amazing to see how much my life has changed. In middle school I was really well known, I was involved in the drama program, and as stated earlier, I had boyfriends. Now, I am known in church, but on the high school campus people only knew me if they had classes with me. I play on the softball team and I love it. Those girls mean the world to me, I love them so much! And seeing how all my mistakes have turned out, I wouldn't take any of them back. They changed me for the better. They strenghtened my relationship with Christ, and they made me place my trust back in him.

Even having my heart broken twice by the same person was a good thing. It made me be stronger, and it brought me closer to people that I never thought I would. It made me realize that I deserved better, and that I should stick to my list. Because God has a plan, and even if I'm supposed to be single it'll work out for God's glory. And I've reached the point where I'm fine with it. I'm okay with being alone. Not that I don't want to have a family, and haven't planned out a lot of my wedding. But whatever happens I'm cool with it. God is definitely stretching me with the end of high school approaching and decisions that I need to make. But its all up to God.

So this part is dedicated to Stacey- My best friend, and unbiological sister. I love you so much! You have no idea how sane you keep me. I have no clue what I'm going to do when you go away to college (because you're so getting in!). But I know that you'll always be a phone call away, and that you will be there to help me through this summer. Cause this summer is going to be a tough one. I love you and your family for taking care of me, I love being able to call your house "home". You all mean so much to me! And I'll always be here for you and your family. Know that when you're gone I'm still going to take up residence in your house because someone has to keep mom sane!

So this is my life, and there are many people that impact me. And I'm sure you'll get your own spot in a blog here soon. I love you all!!

-Katie

Me..

Hey everyone! Well this is my blog, this is where all the random thoughts throughout the day are going to end up. This is where I am going to put my feelings, my life, and me. Ao about me. My name is Katie. I love being outdoors, and I love learning new things even if it confuses me.... ie- Bernoulli's Principle. I love being with my friends, and they are the coolest people you'll ever meet. They take care of me, they say the things that I'm too chicken to say (thank you Sara), and they make sure that I keep my head clear. They bring me back to earth when my thoughts have been carried away, and many times they have been there when a boy comes and steals my heart. They listen to what I have to say, and they don't think I'm crazy. Haha.. So as you can tell I love my friends.

More about my life. I love my family they're the craziest people ever! I have dreams, and I'm pretty sure I've said I'm going to marry at least 40 people.. haha but that's me. I believe in love, and I believe that one day my prince charming will come. I've had my heart broken, and it made me a stronger person. I would never take back that pain and the tears and the nights of no sleep for anything else. It taught me to take care of me, and no to let people use me. I've learned that people never change, you only compromise who you are. I'm never going to be perfect, and that the guy I find is going to love each and every one of them. He's going to love my corny jokes, and the fact that I'm a ditz.

haha well that's me!

bleeped bloop bloop laterz!!

Kate